I would say our family stays in hotels more than the average bear. We enjoy taking the kids to new places and back to favorite old spots.  We enjoy a night away without kids on the rare occasion and work travel is part of the husband's job description. I can't speak for the venue husband stays at when he travels, but when we travel together, skimping on a hotel is not something we do. We like a little pampering and luxe and our hotel choices tend to fall in line as such. However, as of late (maybe it's just a bad run) I have decided hotels are the worst. Maybe like Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon, "I'm too old for this shtuff," but here are the five reasons hotels are the WORST!

1. The Noise, the noise, the noise, noise, noise:

If I only had one reason hotels are the worst, it would be this: WHHHHHHhhyy are people so loud in hotel hallways? Recently, I was awakened at 1:30 a.m by the typical loud crowd coming in after a late night and then again at 2:30 a.m when a woman took a phone call out in the hallway. Let me repeat, she took a phone call. in the hallway. at 2:30 am! I just can't even wrap my head around it. Was she afraid of waking whomever was in her room? So she opted to wake everyone else on the floor (including those in her room, I'm certain). I have to admit, I don't stand for that particular brand of rudeness (I don't sleep for it either, obviously) so. I bolted from bed and opened the door and told her mildly kindly to go back in her room, that it was 2:30 in the morning. You know what she did? She kept talking. So I repeated myself in case she hadn't heard me. You know what she did? She kept talking. No etiquette at all. I always remind my kids on the elevator to keep quiet in the hallways. Why can't adults grasp this as well? If you are an adult who talks in hotel hallways, shame on you. Don't let the door slam either.

2. Someone else's dirt:

Another trend we seem to be setting for ourselves is getting dirty rooms. Remember I said we are very choosy with where we stay.  I'm not talking about a truck stop. We'll shell out the big bucks for nice accommodations, but lately even our trusted brand has been a bit suspect. A while back, the husband and I stayed in a boutique hotel a few towns over (I won't name names, but I know most of my local friends have likely stayed there as well) and for some reason we ended up in one of the larger suites. We thought, "score!" However; upon turning in, I realized that it was extremely obvious that the bed had been made with dirty sheets. Hair. Hair everywhere. Barf! The front desk receptionist sent someone up with clean sheets, but no clean pillows. I guess they hadn't thought that far ahead? I can't think of anything worse than finding you've checked in to a dirty hotel room. Ick.

3. Ghosts:

Ok, I'm only slightly kidding, but how else do you explain the following paranormal activity? You know those curtains that open and close with the push of a button? One room we stayed in had these. Very tall windows were completely blacked out in less than a minute with just the click of a button and you assumed rest was soon on its way. However; this set seemed to have a mind of its own and at about 3 am the curtains clicked on and raised a few feet and then stopped. We found this strange, but went back to sleep. Then about an hour later, up the curtains went another few feet. By this point if I'd gotten past the loud noises in the hallway, there was no way I was going to go back to sleep with Casper sharing the room.

4: Pillows:

I know some people bring their own pillows when they travel. I've even heard of some people bringing their own cleaning supplies and cleaning the room upon arrival, but until my more recent excursions this seemed a bit over the top. So, you pillow toting travelers, I get you. You mean business when you sleep and the sorry excuse hoteliers provide as a headrest just won't do. I can't bring myself to pack my own pillow because I'm more concerned with the amount of germs that my pillowcase will absorb in the transition, but that's my own problem. Combined with the fact that the temperature of hotel rooms seems to get locked in on fiery gates of hell and a pillow that although looks like a fluffy cloud will drop to paper thin in seconds, there is no way you're going to find comfort in a hotel room with the pillows provided.

5: The TV guide:

If I could operate a hotel remote by holding it with a pair of tweezers, trust me I would. Am I giving anyone the impression that I'm a germaphobe? But, aside from the fact that who knows who is doing who knows what and then touching the remote, lets talk about the tv guide. Remember back in the stone ages when you had to click through each station one at a time until you found what you wanted to watch? I do, but my kids don't. You know what kids like? Instant gratification. If you can provide me with a button to open and close my curtains, why can't you provide me with modern television? No parent finds it a breeze to be locked in hotel room where there is no space to play and very few toys (if you packed them), so when at a last ditch effort you throw out, "who wants to watch cartoons?!!?" You want results. Fast. You end up clicking the up/down button through 100 channels with no provided identity for 20 mins, while silently praying that the kids don't catch a glimpse of Spongebob (not in this house you don't) or that whatever kid friendly show that might be on hasn't decided to cut to commercial just as you whiz by. You then realize you've gone through the channels three times, you've pulled all your hair out, and the kids have started eating things off the floor, so you settle for Spongebob and say another prayer that the kids brains don't actually turn to mashed potatoes. Please someone fix this first world problem.

Those are my reasons hotels are the worst.  What do you think? Have you ever had a really bad hotel experience? I'd love to hear it!